Where Am I...

Why am I not comfortable or sure of myself? I feel like I have to always strive and do something really important. How can I learn to like myself better and not be so hard on myself to succeed in something “important”?Lately I feels like I'm on a conveyer belt going around and around. I need to break away and find myself once again. So many questions fill my mind lately. The answers are difficult to reach. Something tells me they lurk in the shadows.

I've been trying to get through it for months. I know that it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm relying on my power to fight the battles of my life. I know I can't win. My way can be so much easier if I let go and live within my power.

And I wonder why I'm so unsure of myself? How can I develop certainty in my judgment and confidence in myself when others will abandon me or hold me emotionally hostage if I make a “mistake”? That added pressure to be “right” and “good” from their point of view means I don't learn to trust myself, and I must always second guess myself to try to minimize others rejection.

When my whole life has been about avoiding rejection, my focus is mostly on others, and my sense of self is not developed. Hence, the borderline traits of my diagnosis. The process of becoming a worthwhile human being is a process of experimentation and discovery.

My discover through my life experience what I value, how I want to live, my personal preferences and how to make choices for myself that meet my own self-definition of what's good and right for me.

Doubt comes from relying on others' judgment about me; it leaves me forever wondering whether I'm okay. Higher consciousness develops when I come to know and accept what's right for me.

This is an internal process of coming to recognize and accept as valid for me, the decisions I make about how I wish to live.

Are you sure of yourself with who you are & what are you doing?